A Review Of Christmas

It’s not that I didn’t know Christmas before, it’s more that I’ve only lived it from a peace perspective. Never have I celebrated the holy war in the trenches, although I am fairly familiar with racist notions concerning beloved holiday characters. As with everything else, Americans will make anything their own, blow it to obese proportions, and leave you with a fascinating spectacle that scarcely reminds you of what was originally going on. I don’t care if that’s a good or a bad thing, I just like watching it from a distance while I snack my toasted ravioli. As with the framework I introduced a few weeks ago, I will be tackling the four big questions in life.

Apart from that one other question, sponsored by Heineken.

Apart from that one other question, sponsored by Heineken.

Does it live up to the image portrayed in pop culture?

Yes. O yes. Throw me a Christmas special of any sitcom and I can think of a real life example I lived in the past two weeks. Other than that, the country really seems to shift to a glee-er shade of live. In a park just one block away, a light monster puked his Christmas lights all over the trees, resulting in the messiest Christmas lights apocalypse you’ve ever seen. For just $10, you get to drive through the park and criticize the display. Some radio stations started playing Christmas songs the day after Thanksgiving, as everything around me started looking like a 90’s 3d comic: seeing double in green and red. Christmas gift shopping was on my mind the entire month (now it’s back to Georgia), and of course we had a family meal. This family meal was the only thing I wasn’t expecting. In sitcoms you never see how the newest edition to the family has to cook the entire dinner and spend twenty hours in the prison formerly known as kitchen, but everyone kept insisting it was part of tradition. Who am I to correct them?

How is the food?

Well, as you might expect from the last sentence in the previous paragraph, the food was excellent, thank you very much. Also, Christmas apparently comes with cookies (in my accent, that word evidently is quite funny), so I had about a dozen a day.

In partly unrelated news, did you know Cookie Monster was actually named Sid?

In partly unrelated news, did you know Cookie Monster was actually named Sid?

Any surprises?

I am still eating leftovers. And I never thought I’d be glad not to have a freezer full of cookies to snack.

How are the sales?

They were better at Thanksgiving. Sure, there was a sale here and there, and we bought some Christmas decorations for half price. And we had curtains for a neat price. Okay, no complaints after all.

Would you do it again?

Yes. I like the happiness that shows in all the details, and I loved the downtown Saint Charles Christmas Scavenger Hunt. I definitely like Christmas more than Thanksgiving, not in the least because there’s no made up meaning behind it all.

Idea for next Thanksgiving: have a nativity display picturing the first Thanksgiving. Do not let the savages sit at the table, just like the first time.

Idea for next Thanksgiving: have a nativity display picturing the first Thanksgiving. Do not let the savages sit at the table, just like the first time.

Hope y’all had a lovely Christmas, and I hope to see you back here in 2014.

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