I Have A Great ID

Sometimes, Saint Louis seems like a small world. Maybe it’s the perspective of crossing an ocean for hours to get there (boring flight I tell you), but it appears as if I travel more than some Missourians I come across. Take my ID, for example. I enter the country using my passport. No problem. The thing about a passport though, is that it’s pretty expensive,  important and a full-time job to replace. This means you don’t carry it around all day. In fact, when we were in Turkey, miss Missouri would hide our passports under the matrass (also because the only hotel with a safe had locked the safe without instructions or keys). Future burglars: we don’t do that anymore. Go check shoes on the beach for watches. Anyway, whenever I travel Missouri, I use my Dutch ID card.

I decided the bar before my eyes wasn't necessary to make this a mug shot.

I decided barring my eyes wasn’t necessary to make this a mug shot.

For some, this poses a problem. Even though I radiate an age-deceiving wisdom that you’d rarely come across, I still have to show ID whenever I want to drink an alcoholic beverage. All the times I do, this sparks conversation. First of all, you’re not allowed to smile in European pictures. This means that every official picture looks like a mug shot. Secondly, my hairdo in the picture is high school emo and as I have a haircut every time I get to see miss Missouri, I look slightly different. After seeing those obvious pitfalls that apparently stand in the way of just handing me a beer, the person holding my card has to search for my date of birth. In the picture above, you can check how long you need for that (for your convenience, I have even erased my SSN and Document no. They cannot be mistaken for a date of birth). Note that I’m 6′ tall, so 2008 isn’t a likely year of birth. Lastly, they have to check for it to be genuine.

'Well, I'm not denying I googled 'fake ID card', but it was for my blog!'

Unlike this one, that might get me in trouble. ‘Well, sir, I’m not denying I googled ‘fake ID card’, but it was for my blog!’

Sometimes, to do this, the waitress will just walk away and take it somewhere. I feel that’s overreacting really. Don’t take this the wrong way, but however someone would fake an ID card, this would not be it. On the back of the card, my photo is shown as a watermark if you hold the card against the light. Numerous reflections and seals are shown when you move the card back and forth in any light and I’m pretty sure if you rub your finger nails on the right spot in a 30 degree angle, it will play the Dutch national anthem for you. It may be exotic, but it’s clearly an ID card that looks nowhere near an easy-to-fake library card. Yet still, if you want to enter Electric Cowboy, they won’t trust you. No line dancing for me.

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9 thoughts on “I Have A Great ID

  1. Okay, at “it will play the Dutch national anthem for you” I laughed so hard I spit coffee onto my screen, so thanks for that! Americans are weird about id cards, no doubt about it. Best luck finding a more amenable place to go dancing this weekend!

  2. You guys totally need to come up to New England. (I know–I keep saying that.) We have this super-fun bar that we go to, and while you still might get your ID checked, the bartender will make the experience hilarious for you (and everyone else). Or he might just let it slide, since he knows us. (No, we’re not THAT regular customers. It’s just hard to mistake a couple where the woman is 6 feet tall and the man is 5’3″. 🙂 )

  3. This was eye popping information. I think your card is taken away so the service person (or whoever else needs to see it) can figure out your age–you know, subtract your birth year from current year….Sorry, I can’t help myself, but I bet I’m right.

    • I’m afraid you are. Sometimes I’m just afraid I’m not getting it back. One time, the girl took a really long time checking my card and when we went outside, their was a police officer at the door. He asked our group ‘So which one of you is the Dutch guy?’ Somehow, the news of a exotic visitor had spread like wildfire.

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