Analogy Of A Pillow Fight

Dear Americans, specifically not excluding my beloved fiancée,

I like beds. As far as furniture goes, I think a kitchen table and a bed constitute the most important aspects of a home. Whereas the kitchen table is the center of everyday life and meeting as a family, the bed is the center of private life and rest. As I value rest, a good bed can be very important.

A bed. As the founding fathers would have wanted it to be.

Now, if we consider what makes a good bed, a few characteristics come to mind. First of all, the size and softness of the bed are important. Secondly, its decoration and neatness can bring a small joy to start every day with. Thirdly, and this is where Americans baffle me, bed-related accessories can be brought onto the bed to further improve the resting experience. I like a pillow to lay my head to rest and a set of sheets to cover me and wrap myself in. American beds, however, do not come with one pillow and a set of sheets to wrap oneself in. They come with a pile of pillows and a cover that is tucked in the mattresses, so one feels mummified all night long. Before you go to bed, you remove all pillows besides the one (mind you, just one) you actually use, leaving a mess of at least six pillows on the ground. The next morning you put all those ground pillows back into place in the exact same order, for the sole purpose that you can remove them all later that night. Sure, it looks amazing, but I have yet to encounter someone who walks up to his bedroom just to check the cute pillows.

People say having a pool is a lot of work, but it pales in comparison to a bed like this.

I know an overload of pillows is as American as apple pie (I mean baseball, for probably even Zimbabwe has its own apple pie), but I’d like to argue a case for a more pragmatic approach. Pick a pillow you like and stick with it. Free the covers from their suppression of the deep tuck and wrap yourself in them to conquer the cold winter nights. Not having to put all the pillows back into place might just save you another five minutes of sleep, every day. That’s thirty five minutes a week. Just saying. That’s a nap. Weekly.

You’re welcome,



19 thoughts on “Analogy Of A Pillow Fight

  1. I’m with you on this. I don’t understand the need for decorative pillows. There’s no need for a bed to be fancy. The ONLY thing a bed needs to be is comfortable. That’s it. Anything else is a waste of time and money.

    (For the record, I don’t even like sleeping under sheets. I use one blanket. I’m happy to sleep on top of sheets, but all I need is a blanket. It should come as no surprise, then, that I’m not one to spend time making the bed in the morning. After all, I’m just going to sleep in it again the next night.)

    • I honestly expected you to be with me on this. Funny detail: even though I have made my thoughts on the matter quite clear above, this ‘comforter’ business still appears on my wedding registry. But to be fair, we all know how much of an impact I have on that.

  2. Ok, so I don’t have a plethora of pillows to impede the sleeping experience, but I do still have an assortment of stuffed animals. I may have to even rethink that one, since the dog likes to take off with my stuffed moose and gnaw on my lobster.

  3. I have lots of pillows on my couch, which also happens to be my bed, and I always get questions, from guys specifically about why I have so many pillows. Then, they try to lay on them, no no no… I find myself having to explain that they are aesthetically pleasing… it is tiring.

  4. I have five pillow on top of my bed when it’s made up in the morning. After you’ve gone through the process a few times: off / on etc. you don’t even think about it. The cat likes to HIDE between and underneath the pillows. She also messes up my pretty bed.

    • A pretty bed is too tempting for a lot of living things, perhaps including me. As I’m visiting again, I make the bed every day (I’m home all day, so I have the time), but I do it just before Miss Missouri gets home for lunch. Not a minute too early.

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