Guest Post: 5 Things That Are Not Romantic In Real Life

This is the most popular post from my other blog. While I’m taking a week off, please enjoy what other people value as my ‘other best stuff’. Probably also because I have a sexy wet man drawing a lot of Google searches.

Remember those movies? You are on the edge of your seat, watching how hopeless love turns into a spectacular beginning of a very unlikely romance. Ugly people turn so beautiful that everybody is jealous, all people around you are fully participating in any stupid gesture you have thought out and worst of all: they all work!

1. Cheating

Of course, Hugh Grant could have seen it coming...

Best example: Notting Hill. Hugh Grant messes up Julia Robert’s shirt and offers to help her out. A romance begins, until he founds out she has a boyfriend. It doesn’t bother him, none of the following things come to his mind: Why on earth would she not have told him she was dating someone in the days they spent together? Does he not realize she was also cheating on him? He really shouldn’t be this interested in someone this trustworthy, but he seems to think boyfriends are only obstacles to finding true love.

2. Long crushes

Don’t take this the wrong way: I like highschool sweethearts as much as the next guy (my brother is married to her (his sweetheart, not mine) and that works out great), but the following plot is used quite often: let’s say a boy has a crush on a girl. Girl isn’t interested, but boy makes sure she will be in the end. Does he put any effort into making himself more likeable? Is there anyone else who would date him? Nooo, he just waits and sees what works. This is not romantic, it’s creepy. If she’s not interested, make sure you’re interesting. The desperate examples in the used plot are rarely datable at first, it’s their annoying determination that helps.

3. Stopping the plane

Imagine this would be just your fault

This is a real good one. Although, one might wonder who cares. How much money would it cost to stop a plane from going down the runway? How big a chance is there the flight attendance will just knock you out when you get up and start screaming? Nobody try this in real life, I’m pretty sure you’ll get sued by the air company for the money they lose on your romantic gesture. That’s some debt to start your life together with. Also: people around you will be more than just annoyed and the recipient of the gesture is never there. She might not even believe you. ‘No really, I stopped a plane for you. – Sure you did, freak.’

4. Fighting for your girl

I’ll give you a picture: this is Mark Darcy, a character from Bridget Jones’s Diary after he just had a fight. Now realize how normal people look after they’ve had a fight. Fighting over someone is petty, you obviously lack manhood and have no normal ways of channeling your testosterone. If you know you’ll have her, there would be no need to punch it into someone’s face. I’m not saying you should never fight FOR a girl, I’m saying it’s rarely romantic or appealing.

5. Making out in the rain

Stop crying over The Notebook, it’s not real. Also, a make out session in the rain will most likely get you a cold, a running nose, maybe even diarrhea and force you to spend days in bed, where you see the one you were grinding two days ago in a manner that will get all the sexiness out of your relationship. In the long term, opt for going indoors and then make out. Lastly, squeezing an orange for her every day is romantic and will help keeping those running noses outdoors. It’s bi-winning!

Romantic AND nutritious, you can't go wrong here

Any suggestions for big gestures that are not romantic at all?


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